Inside Out
by armless-phelan
Summary: They say it's better to have loved and lost. Does that hold true if the love's unrequited?


Summary: they say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Does that hold true if the love is unrequited?

Inside Out

She couldn't remember when she had given up: when her feelings of love had turned into hate. She knew the hate well, too. How many years had she spent hating him for the way he had dishonored her? Her life had been dedicated to hunting down and killing the boy who had shamed her so.

But he'd called her cute. Not "handsome" or "good-looking" like all of the girls before. He had hit her, bent her large spatula, and violated her body with his groping hands. All of that had fled her mind when he'd called her that one word. She had clung to it desperately. When she learned that he hadn't knowingly been involved in stealing her late father's okonomiyaki cart, she had forgiven him. And old feelings had crept into her mind, replacing that hate.

Now, though, it was back with a vengeance. He had never shown any sort of interest in her romantically. She was just Ucchan. She was just his childhood friend. But those feelings she had developed during their brief friendship ten years prior had once again been dashed.

It wasn't that he had chosen Akane. He hadn't run off with Shampoo and gone to the Amazon Village. In fact, he wasn't even bound and gagged in a cage in the corner of Kodachi's bedroom. No, he hadn't run off with Kuno, either. He had… He had just been himself. Awkward, gullible, and immature. But she was the first one to have seen this side of him. Before all of the others, she had known him for what he truly was. And he hadn't changed a bit. He was still just a child.

And she was also clearly the least important one to him. She had to hear it from Ryoga. He had told her of how they'd gone to China, to Jusenkyo. He mentioned how Ranma had fought to save Akane. The look on his face was probably a mirror image of the one on her own as she listened to his words. Everyone else he considered friends, or at least friendly acquaintances, were there with him. Everyone except for her. Yes, the Kuno family had remained behind in the Nerima ward as well, but it wasn't the same. At least, she had hoped it wasn't the same.

She pounded the grill with an angry fist as tears poured down her cheeks. Ryoga watched her silently as she turned her back on him. This wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to cry. Anger. Ukyo Kuonji did not cry, damn it! She acted.

Playing with the shaft of her large spatula, she considered her options. What good would it do to hunt him down, though? He'd proven time and again that he was better than she. If she attacked him, and he didn't hold back, she would lose.

But he would hold back. Except for that first day, the day she had found him after ten years of searching, he had always held back when she challenged him. He held back not because they were childhood friends, but because she was a girl. Their friendship meant nothing to him.

Dropping the spatula, she turned back to Ryoga. Everyone had a reason to hate him. Shampoo because he had defeated her on what should have been a happy day; Mousse because he "stole" Shampoo; Ryoga because Ranma had bullied him when they were children; the Kuno siblings because they were constantly jealous and rather insane. As for Ukyo… she hated him because he would never love her.

Anyone with a half a brain could tell that he loved Akane. The only ones who didn't notice were in fact the two themselves. Ukyo had tried every trick in the book. She'd lied, manipulated, and schemed to get into his heart to no avail. She teamed up with Ryoga on more than one occasion to drive a wedge between the ones they loved.

Everyone else had someone they could love, though. Ryoga had Akari. Shampoo had Mousse. Kuno had that Mariko girl. Kodachi had herself. Who did she have? Tsubasa? Konatsu?

Ukyo nodded to Ryoga and left the restaurant. She didn't worry about locking it up. Ryoga was there. He would guard it for her, even if not intentionally. Odds were that he would get so lost that he wouldn't be able to leave the place on his own anyway.

Off in the distance, Kodachi's wretched laughter could be heard. She ignored it as she walked in the direction of the Tendo compound. If nothing else, she would try the direct approach. But the hatred blazed brightly behind her eyes and each footstep came down faster and faster until she was leaping across the relatively peaceful Tokyo ward.

Then she found herself stopping. Inertia dragged her a few feet until she grabbed the gate and jumped over it. Nodoka, Ranma's mother, was sitting in the front yard with Kasumi and drinking tea. They waved to the girl and smiled as she walked past them.

She would do it to him. Once upon a time, he had asked her if she loved him. And she had admitted to it before running off. There would be no running away this time. And she would be the one to ask it. He would be the one to look into her eyes.

But she heard them. They weren't declaring their love for one another. Rather, they were arguing. Ukyo followed the sounds until she found herself outside the dojo. She slid the entrance door open just the tiniest bit and peeped inside.

Akane was yelling something, and he was yelling back. She didn't know why they were fighting. It was always the same type of fight, though. And they were both passionate as they screamed. Indeed, one could see that something else was going on.

Like a ninja, she slinked away silently. She couldn't do it. She couldn't approach Ranma and lay her heart on the line. That just made her even angrier, though. The hatred within her was well on its way to being a raging inferno.

But the more she thought about it, the more she realized the hate wasn't really directed at Ranma. She hated herself for being stupid enough to get into this type of predicament. Ukyo had always considered herself to be smarter than this: smarter than all of the other girls who fought for Ranma's affections. If she truly were as smart as she believed, then it would only make sense that she figured out Ranma didn't love her. He didn't have any passion for his childhood friend. He didn't want to listen to her talk about how her restaurant was doing or how she felt being away from her family.

He had his father. Yes, Genma was a selfish slug who wasn't worthy of the slime in the gutter, but at least he was a parent. Someone Ranma could maybe someday confide in. But Ukyo had nobody. She didn't have anyone she could fall back on and rely on. She had to stay strong and take of Konatsu and the restaurant. Ukyo Kuonji didn't have the time to take care of or worry about herself. And she didn't have anyone that really worried about her.

So when she found herself sitting on top of a wall a block away from the Tendo compound, Ukyo didn't even find herself holding back the tears. Because to cry would be a sign of weakness. She couldn't afford to be weak. So there were no tears falling down her face, nor were there any being held back. They just didn't exist.

The large spatula usually on her back was in her hands. It was true, she had dedicated ten years to trying to kill Ranma, and ever since she'd found him she'd dedicated her life to trying to get him to love her. It was clear neither one would happen.

Ukyo jumped down and walked back to her okonomiyaki shop. She couldn't afford to let it stay closed too long. She needed the money, after all. And that was all she was ever going to get from the people in Nerima.


End file.
